Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
