I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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