where am i from again
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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