When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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