we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
