I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
