My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
