remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
