Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
