I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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