This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
