I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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