he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
