I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
