3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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