We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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