naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
