Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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