Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
