i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
