So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
So vagazzling was a success
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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