Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
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