ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
