You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
