She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
