He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
