Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
