peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
