I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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