By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
