An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
