On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
