it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
