Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
