I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
