My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
