I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
