I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
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