Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
