Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
