lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
