She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
