look no pants
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
