lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
