is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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