we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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