There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
