you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
