The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
