i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
