He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
