you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
